A Kindness

We are often extolled by Christian virtue to commit charitable acts for the benefit of others. When we hear that, we think of doing things like volunteering or giving money to charities. There is a level of this that frequently sneaks under our radar, perhaps because it is so personal, so intimate. We don't often talk about this sort of thing anymore, perhaps because of the wide range of social customs and mores that are active in America these days. I'm talking about social pleasantries. Well, more than that, really, because the saying that I'm trying to work around to is this:

"A Kindness Accepted is a Kindness Offered"

Have you ever held a door for someone as you walked into or out of a building, only to have them insist that you go through? Waited to let someone with fewer items go ahead of you at the grocery store, only to have them decline? You offered a kindness and they didn't accept the kindness. Ever had a stranger offer to help you carry something - and turned them down as nicely as you could because you don't really trust strangers?

Those are examples of kindnesses being offered, but not accepted. The point of this article is to remind you that to accept a kindness is to offer one in return. Why do we hold doors open for each other? Much of the time, it's just because we're trying to be nice and neighborly. I know that I'm more inclined to open a door for a pretty woman than anyone else, but that door gets held open for many other reasons as well. I am offering a kindness, and most of the time, it is accepted. I get eye contact from the recipient of my gift, and they offer some simple thanks.

That acceptance is a kindness that they have offered back to me. It is a way of declaring the value of the kindness of opening the door in the first place.

Do you find yourself declining kindnesses from other people? I know that I did for the better part of my life. I was raised to be an independent, self-sufficient American man. What I didn't understand was that by accepting a simple kindness from someone, I was doing something kind for them in return.

We live in a society where we don't really need anyone else in our day to day. Most anyone in the world can work even the most basic of jobs and live the life of a comfortable hermit. There's plenty of food, water and shelter for such a person. We don't really NEED other people. Except that we do, of course. We need our friends, our family, our greater community, because we are social beings. Yet when we walk down the street and someone makes eye contact with us, do we glance away or do we smile?

A smile would seem foolish. It's a stranger. If it's a single person walking down the street, they could be nutty as an almond factory. But by odds, 99% of the time that other person is just going to be another normal person. Yet we turn our back on the mainstream because we're terrified of the slim possibility of the Almond Factory Scenario. We're making a declaration that people just aren't worth the risk.

This continues throughout our society which is fascinated with Train Wrecks. We no longer view each other as neighbors, but as strange sorts of adversaries. We have so many dissimilar views that it's nearly impossible to find anyone who can confess to sharing the same life experience that you have. With all that in mind, maybe it's time to get back to that basic human practice of offering - and accepting - those simple social kindnesses that neighbors offer each other. I suspect that it is at the core of why America can operate as a melting pot of so many cultures. Deep down, we just want to be neighbors.

Cold?

I am. Winter is decidedly not my favorite time of the year. I like late spring, early summer, here in the D.C. area. I'll take a summer in Seattle any day. But winter? It should be fired. Oh sure, it gives the Australians an excuse to have summer, but whose idea was it to tilt the planet anyway? That was a Bad Move in my opinion. If the planet just spun upright, we'd have these bands of perfect temperature in the northern and southern hemisphere. We'd just put a whole bunch of solar power generators at the equator and leave it at that. But I digress.

This article isn't about improving yourself. It's not about sociological factors that go into a preference for peanut butter over jelly. It's not even about axiomatic elements of a belief that the world is, in fact, flat. It's about my gift to you of a little warmth.

How good is your imagination? Can you feel the hot sand on the soles of your feet, forcing you to ouchouchouchouch your way back to your blanket? Can you feel the sun forcing you to squint against the glare of a hot summer sun, holding your hand to shade your eyes while you bemoan the fact that your sunglasses are either in the car or on the counter at home. Can you feel the heat of the sun beating down on you, making your skin hot to the touch? Can you smell the spring and summer flowers bursting their way into full bloom? Fragrances of honeysuckle and lavender, mixed with that unique rainy smell of a storm on-the-way.

No? Remember that last trip to the water park to battle the summer heat? Standing in lines in your bathing suit with the sun drying the water from the last ride you went on? The smell of chlorine everywhere, and the feel of the warm white concrete walkways as you walk from ride to ride?

No? Still stuck for a feeling of being warm? Okay, it's time to break out the big guns. Modern technology to the rescue, I give you a roaring fire.

Stay warm.

Brain Civil War

It's complicated, but regions of the brain do different things for us. The Amygdala (we have two of them) regulate our emotions. The Cerebrum is where our perception, imagination, thought, judgment, and decision occur. The Amygdala is part of our primitive brain, while the Cerebrum is the latest addition to our brains, according to the thinking of evolution. The Cerebrum occupies 85% of the brain, while the Amygdala are the size of almonds.

The Amygdala tells us what to do based on our environment. We're happy, sad, afraid, excited - emotional - because our Amygdala tells us to be. Look at a child and you will see the operation of the Amygdala in full force. When the child is happy, you know it. When sad, you know it. Everything goes directly from Amygdala into action. That's because the Cerebrum isn't yet trained to intervene.

Look at what adults can do. No matter the situation, they can do things like "stick to their guns". Soldiers may be terrified, but good ones will still perform their duty. A good parent may be tired and unhappy, but they will still give their child their attention.

Why do we do these things? Because we have learned that there is greater value in doing what is right for everyone concerned than just in reacting to what our bodies are telling us to do. Some people don't receive such training and remain dominated by their emotions. Their Amygdala is running unchecked. Their Cerebrum, the region constituting the vast majority of our brains, hasn't been trained to deal with the wild swings of the Amygdala, those little almonds of brain matter.

Chapter 13 of the first book of Corinthians contains an oft-quoted verse:

When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.

This is classic brain civil war, with St. Paul telling us that when we become adults we have set aside reflexively instinctive actions, to replace them with well-considered actions that serve a higher, virtuous purpose. Corinthians was written around 54 A.D., and you can be sure that communities have understood the need for people to become more than instinctive beasts for thousands of years before that. Civilization just doesn't happen if people remain bestial in their behavior.

The Catholic faith describes cardinal virtues and cardinal sins. The cardinal virtues are those of prudence, justice, fortitude and temperance. Now those are the sorts of things that we wish other people would practice. But they're a lot of work. The cardinal sins are much more fun. They are pride, envy, wrath, sloth, greed, gluttony and lust. Those are the backbone of American culture. If you doubt this, look at where and why Americans spend their money.

The sins are our Amygdala talking. The virtues are what you get with a properly-trained Cerebrum.

Can we improperly train a mind? Sure. Look at any number of people who don't just react emotionally and commit cardinal sins, but actually plan ahead to commit them. Terrorists are planning acts of wrath. Bank robbers are planning acts of greed. The pornography industry does the same for acts of lust. Stalin, Hitler, and many more. These are examples of improperly trained Cerebrums. These people are acting against the cardinal virtues. Those virtues are really only practical if the Cerebrum is trained properly.

What we face is a set of instincts that often drive us towards cardinal sins, when what we need is to be trained to pursue cardinal virtues. This is the ultimate theme for most articles posted to Opinion Dump; believe that there is rightness and wrongness inherent to actions, and that by applying one's self to discovering rightness and wrongness, the whole world becomes a better place.

Unfortunately, as a society we talk as children, think as children and reason as children.

Virtue can win the civil war of your mind. Put aside childish things.