A Kindness

We are often extolled by Christian virtue to commit charitable acts for the benefit of others. When we hear that, we think of doing things like volunteering or giving money to charities. There is a level of this that frequently sneaks under our radar, perhaps because it is so personal, so intimate. We don't often talk about this sort of thing anymore, perhaps because of the wide range of social customs and mores that are active in America these days. I'm talking about social pleasantries. Well, more than that, really, because the saying that I'm trying to work around to is this:

"A Kindness Accepted is a Kindness Offered"

Have you ever held a door for someone as you walked into or out of a building, only to have them insist that you go through? Waited to let someone with fewer items go ahead of you at the grocery store, only to have them decline? You offered a kindness and they didn't accept the kindness. Ever had a stranger offer to help you carry something - and turned them down as nicely as you could because you don't really trust strangers?

Those are examples of kindnesses being offered, but not accepted. The point of this article is to remind you that to accept a kindness is to offer one in return. Why do we hold doors open for each other? Much of the time, it's just because we're trying to be nice and neighborly. I know that I'm more inclined to open a door for a pretty woman than anyone else, but that door gets held open for many other reasons as well. I am offering a kindness, and most of the time, it is accepted. I get eye contact from the recipient of my gift, and they offer some simple thanks.

That acceptance is a kindness that they have offered back to me. It is a way of declaring the value of the kindness of opening the door in the first place.

Do you find yourself declining kindnesses from other people? I know that I did for the better part of my life. I was raised to be an independent, self-sufficient American man. What I didn't understand was that by accepting a simple kindness from someone, I was doing something kind for them in return.

We live in a society where we don't really need anyone else in our day to day. Most anyone in the world can work even the most basic of jobs and live the life of a comfortable hermit. There's plenty of food, water and shelter for such a person. We don't really NEED other people. Except that we do, of course. We need our friends, our family, our greater community, because we are social beings. Yet when we walk down the street and someone makes eye contact with us, do we glance away or do we smile?

A smile would seem foolish. It's a stranger. If it's a single person walking down the street, they could be nutty as an almond factory. But by odds, 99% of the time that other person is just going to be another normal person. Yet we turn our back on the mainstream because we're terrified of the slim possibility of the Almond Factory Scenario. We're making a declaration that people just aren't worth the risk.

This continues throughout our society which is fascinated with Train Wrecks. We no longer view each other as neighbors, but as strange sorts of adversaries. We have so many dissimilar views that it's nearly impossible to find anyone who can confess to sharing the same life experience that you have. With all that in mind, maybe it's time to get back to that basic human practice of offering - and accepting - those simple social kindnesses that neighbors offer each other. I suspect that it is at the core of why America can operate as a melting pot of so many cultures. Deep down, we just want to be neighbors.