Lust and Chastity

The first vice-virtue pair is not just about sexuality. Most generally, the pair is about the craving that drives someone to desire something. We can lust after sex, of course, but we also lust after other things. Power is a traditional focus of lust, but these days I suspect a lust for fame is pretty common as well. Certainly there are other things that we lust after.

If you're thinking that this all sounds a lot like greed, then you go to the head of the class. They're quite similar. The way to contrast lust and greed is to consider their paired virtues: chastity and generosity. Lust and chastity are about how we handle the wanting of something. Greed and generosity are about how we handle the having of something. The two are clearly closely related, but as I said in the introductory article, all the vices are fundamentally related because they are rooted in a lack of ability to love.

Those who lust have decided that something is more important than love. Sex, power, fame, etc., are so important to these people that when push comes to shove, their craving for whatever they're after will win out over doing something loving.

For example, let's say that I meet a pretty girl at a party. The loving thing to do is to treat her like I would anyone else that I respect greatly. That should be my starting point. She is capable of great depth of conversation, insights into life and love, the pursuit of a relationship with others and with God - the whole nine yards. That's the loving thing. That's the chaste thing.

But I'm not chaste. I'm a luster, so I "check her out", admiring her body. After all, I don't know anyone capable of great depth of conversation and all that drivel. What I implicitly know is that people use each other, and that she'd be fun to "use". That's just the way things are. She's just interested in using me back of course, so it all works out. From there, I approach her to begin my conquest.

Kinda sad, isn't it? The worst of it is when she acts in a way consistent with his lustful attitudes because she isn't any more chaste than he is.

The luster doesn't have the starting point of acting in a loving way because he doesn't see the chaste promise of the girl at the party. Even if she's is a "bimbo" or a "slut", she retains the capacity to do all the things I listed. A fun exposition of that idea is the Judy Holliday movie "Born Yesterday". We get a glimpse of a woman who begins to realize her potential only when she gets the word as an adult.

When I'm talking about capacity or promise, I'm talking about up-to-and-including love. Even the luster has the capacity, but he is so blinded by lust (and other delusions) that love isn't even on his radar. That's why he cannot imagine pursuing chastity. To him, chastity is an absence of lust. Without love, lust is all there is when we consider human sexuality. But what happens when we truly understand love?

Chastity is what happens. Chastity isn't just saying that you won't abuse sex, power or fame. It's saying that you will actively employ them for the gifts that they are. They are gifts because they are a means by which we can love one another. Remember; love involves acting for the best interests of everyone.

We employ sexuality as a gift when we use it as a means of creating children. I don't mean that we do this in the dark, with grim faces and in as brief a time as possible. Sexuality is something that a married couple uses as a celebration of their union. They rejoice in being physically one person as much as you can be, and look forward to the creation of new life. That second part is key because it dwarfs the purely physical part. The desire for new life is a statement of lifelong commitment to their union, of intertwining of not only limbs but of intertwining their identities in each other.

That is what chastity is about: realizing the vast potential of the human experience. The lustful people stop at the point of intertwining their bodies, while the chaste intertwine themselves body and soul. That requires great love, and it is something that the lustful are simply blind to.

This applies to power, fame and another other thing that can be lusted after. The chaste man or woman who holds power or fame understands that it is an opportunity to love others. Power is a way to move the mountains that stand in the way of love. Fame is a way to reach out lovingly to many more people than you normally could. Those who lust after power use it for selfish gain, and those who lust for fame simply self-aggrandize, reminding us of how famous they are.

Lust is a self-limiting attitude and as a result it damages us. It holds us back. It is not loving of others and it is not loving of ourselves. Chastity is the exact opposite, letting us realize a greater experience of love and life. Often the only thing standing in the way of chastity is understanding. Sometimes it just takes a leap of faith that chastity can work. You'll find that this is the pattern of all the vice-virtue pairs.