As was mentioned in Lust and Chastity, there is the wanting and there is the having. Gluttony is the actual indulgence in what you want or what you have. Because greed is the sin of having, it covers all manner of excessive possession, hoarding or control. Greed is a matter of keeping things of this world under your control. So you might be greedy to have money, but you might also be greedy to have some collectible or even some experience that you want to keep for yourself. You love that front seat on the roller coaster, and you'll be pretty sneaky to make sure that you get it and that nobody else does. Greed.
By comparison, generosity is not so much about making sure that we control something, but more about offering it to other people so that they can use it. It's about the idea that other people are as important to us as we ourselves are. That's what love is, after all. When we have that general sense about other people, we're happy to turn over that front seat to somebody else because we're happy for them. Yes, I know that sounds terribly altruistic, but it's entirely possible to develop that mindset and experience life that way.
A big part of developing that mindset, and of developing any virtuous mindset, is to be greedy for the benefits of the virtue instead of the vice. When the virtuous outcome is more pleasing to us than the outcome that we achieve through the vice, we aren't as tempted by the vice. The person who has their heart set on that front seat is focusing on greedy goals. Once set in their heart, it's difficult to just stop and turn on a dime and act virtuously. It's necessary to say to ourselves from the very start that when we go to the amusement park, we're not just there for our own enjoyment. That would be greedy. We're there for everyone's enjoyment. That's being generous.
The cynical reader is thinking how idiotic that approach to life is. Everyone at the amusement park is going to take full advantage of their generosity and offer nothing in return. While that may be true, there is a certain sense of self-respect that comes with the genuine practice of the virtues. Most people are so shamed by their own activity that they have no sense of what it is like to have a sense of self-respect. Self-respect is reinforced every time we do something that is virtuous. Never do anything virtuous and you never get that reinforcement. People's character will erode if not reinforced.
So when you practice virtues such as generosity, you are presenting an example of virtue, and that removes a tiny speck of erosive vice that blasts at us every day by people who no longer believe in the value of virtue. When you practice virtue, you lessen the impact of the world's collective vices. So virtues are worth the effort, even if every person you demonstrate a virtue to doesn't reciprocate.
Practice your generosity. What do you have in abundance that someone else might not have? Are you particularly talented with tools? A gifted voice? Are you tall? Are you short? Do you organize well? Are you artistic? Are you wealthy? Do you know everyone in town? No matter the gift, possession, skill or trait that you have, a small application of generosity can produce wonderful results. Other people get to witness your generous spirit and you gain in character for having found the means to demonstrate it.
One thing that will help you to practice your virtues is the realization that everyone else has the same capacity for virtue that you do. When you embrace that notion, all of the virtues, including generosity, will flow from you very easily. It's what happens when you love.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Gluttony and Moderation
Gluttony is over-indulgence in something. The most frequent association to gluttony is to food and drink, but gluttony can really be about anything. Sex, gardening, crossword puzzles, travel, movies, prayer, electronics, anything. When we focus on our desire in some experience, whether physical, intellectual, emotional or spiritual, then we have turned our back on others and are devoid of love. We are gluttons.
Americans are good at gluttony. We have more self-indulgences than any other group on the face of the Earth. And we still want more. We've turned it into a way of dealing with life. Instead of facing the pain of the world, we all too often dodge reality by wrapping ourselves up in some indulgence. An extra pint of ice cream that helps us forget how painful our current relationship is. Some extreme sports to distract us from a bad family situation. An expensive meal at a four star restaurant to transport us away from a rotten work situation. We're invited to gluttony by every advertising executive out there. Americans are just really good at the gluttony game.
So what does moderation look like, if it's such a wonderful thing? Does it mean living like monks in 8' by 4' stone cells on wooden slat beds? Is that moderation? No, that's asceticism, which can be like a form a gluttony in reverse. Moderation is all about balance and health. Instead of the relative sense of going for as much as you can in an effort to turn your back on something unpleasant, moderation is the absolute sense of focusing on what would be best. Indulgence isn't categorically wrong, but it has the nasty tendency to encourage more and more of it once you get started on the practice.
The gluttonous crossword puzzle solver spends too much time on crossword puzzles and not enough time on his friends and family. The crosswords are a place to hide, to be distracted from his life. This means that he is not thinking in loving terms, but rather in selfish terms. As with lust, gluttony is usually rooted in circumstances that encouraged the person to think of their vice as something normal and natural. This is especially true when gluttonous parents turn their backs on their children. The children learn that self-indulgence is what people do, so they grow up living that lie. Gluttony is normal for them.
Moderation isn't easy. Temptation to gluttony is everywhere in our society. Gluttony of music, of food, of possessions, of clothing. These are all things that we are encouraged into by our society. Moderation says that we won't buy those new shoes. Why? Because we don't have any real need for them. Gluttony says that we'll buy it because it's "fun" or it would be a great match for that handbag you just bought. The rationalization isn't important. Only that you are investing of your time and attention in selfish pleasures instead of thinking in terms of whether or not you need what you are indulging yourself in.
Yes, I know that the notion of "need" is foreign to so many Americans. But "need" is the root of a loving attitude when it comes to turning away from gluttony. When we embrace moderation, we indulge in material things and in activities only so much as we have need for. If we focused on needs instead of wants, we would be far better practiced in self-restraint and the ability to act willfully through conscious choice. Moderation is the incredibly loving act of will that says I will do a certain thing because it is good for me and for others. I will not do the gluttonous thing because it is not good for me and for others. Those who practice moderation have a sense of love of themselves and of others. That is their motivation; to have the greatest good come from their acts. As opposed to the gluttonous attitude that says "I'm going to focus on my petty desires for now."
Take some time to examine your favorite indulgences and figure out whether you're doing them out of a sense of the value that they bring to your life and to the lives of those you love - or if you're just hiding in a cocoon of indulgence that succeeds in shutting out the world. Where it's the latter, you're not doing yourself any favors.
Americans are good at gluttony. We have more self-indulgences than any other group on the face of the Earth. And we still want more. We've turned it into a way of dealing with life. Instead of facing the pain of the world, we all too often dodge reality by wrapping ourselves up in some indulgence. An extra pint of ice cream that helps us forget how painful our current relationship is. Some extreme sports to distract us from a bad family situation. An expensive meal at a four star restaurant to transport us away from a rotten work situation. We're invited to gluttony by every advertising executive out there. Americans are just really good at the gluttony game.
So what does moderation look like, if it's such a wonderful thing? Does it mean living like monks in 8' by 4' stone cells on wooden slat beds? Is that moderation? No, that's asceticism, which can be like a form a gluttony in reverse. Moderation is all about balance and health. Instead of the relative sense of going for as much as you can in an effort to turn your back on something unpleasant, moderation is the absolute sense of focusing on what would be best. Indulgence isn't categorically wrong, but it has the nasty tendency to encourage more and more of it once you get started on the practice.
The gluttonous crossword puzzle solver spends too much time on crossword puzzles and not enough time on his friends and family. The crosswords are a place to hide, to be distracted from his life. This means that he is not thinking in loving terms, but rather in selfish terms. As with lust, gluttony is usually rooted in circumstances that encouraged the person to think of their vice as something normal and natural. This is especially true when gluttonous parents turn their backs on their children. The children learn that self-indulgence is what people do, so they grow up living that lie. Gluttony is normal for them.
Moderation isn't easy. Temptation to gluttony is everywhere in our society. Gluttony of music, of food, of possessions, of clothing. These are all things that we are encouraged into by our society. Moderation says that we won't buy those new shoes. Why? Because we don't have any real need for them. Gluttony says that we'll buy it because it's "fun" or it would be a great match for that handbag you just bought. The rationalization isn't important. Only that you are investing of your time and attention in selfish pleasures instead of thinking in terms of whether or not you need what you are indulging yourself in.
Yes, I know that the notion of "need" is foreign to so many Americans. But "need" is the root of a loving attitude when it comes to turning away from gluttony. When we embrace moderation, we indulge in material things and in activities only so much as we have need for. If we focused on needs instead of wants, we would be far better practiced in self-restraint and the ability to act willfully through conscious choice. Moderation is the incredibly loving act of will that says I will do a certain thing because it is good for me and for others. I will not do the gluttonous thing because it is not good for me and for others. Those who practice moderation have a sense of love of themselves and of others. That is their motivation; to have the greatest good come from their acts. As opposed to the gluttonous attitude that says "I'm going to focus on my petty desires for now."
Take some time to examine your favorite indulgences and figure out whether you're doing them out of a sense of the value that they bring to your life and to the lives of those you love - or if you're just hiding in a cocoon of indulgence that succeeds in shutting out the world. Where it's the latter, you're not doing yourself any favors.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Lust and Chastity
The first vice-virtue pair is not just about sexuality. Most generally, the pair is about the craving that drives someone to desire something. We can lust after sex, of course, but we also lust after other things. Power is a traditional focus of lust, but these days I suspect a lust for fame is pretty common as well. Certainly there are other things that we lust after.
If you're thinking that this all sounds a lot like greed, then you go to the head of the class. They're quite similar. The way to contrast lust and greed is to consider their paired virtues: chastity and generosity. Lust and chastity are about how we handle the wanting of something. Greed and generosity are about how we handle the having of something. The two are clearly closely related, but as I said in the introductory article, all the vices are fundamentally related because they are rooted in a lack of ability to love.
Those who lust have decided that something is more important than love. Sex, power, fame, etc., are so important to these people that when push comes to shove, their craving for whatever they're after will win out over doing something loving.
For example, let's say that I meet a pretty girl at a party. The loving thing to do is to treat her like I would anyone else that I respect greatly. That should be my starting point. She is capable of great depth of conversation, insights into life and love, the pursuit of a relationship with others and with God - the whole nine yards. That's the loving thing. That's the chaste thing.
But I'm not chaste. I'm a luster, so I "check her out", admiring her body. After all, I don't know anyone capable of great depth of conversation and all that drivel. What I implicitly know is that people use each other, and that she'd be fun to "use". That's just the way things are. She's just interested in using me back of course, so it all works out. From there, I approach her to begin my conquest.
Kinda sad, isn't it? The worst of it is when she acts in a way consistent with his lustful attitudes because she isn't any more chaste than he is.
The luster doesn't have the starting point of acting in a loving way because he doesn't see the chaste promise of the girl at the party. Even if she's is a "bimbo" or a "slut", she retains the capacity to do all the things I listed. A fun exposition of that idea is the Judy Holliday movie "Born Yesterday". We get a glimpse of a woman who begins to realize her potential only when she gets the word as an adult.
When I'm talking about capacity or promise, I'm talking about up-to-and-including love. Even the luster has the capacity, but he is so blinded by lust (and other delusions) that love isn't even on his radar. That's why he cannot imagine pursuing chastity. To him, chastity is an absence of lust. Without love, lust is all there is when we consider human sexuality. But what happens when we truly understand love?
Chastity is what happens. Chastity isn't just saying that you won't abuse sex, power or fame. It's saying that you will actively employ them for the gifts that they are. They are gifts because they are a means by which we can love one another. Remember; love involves acting for the best interests of everyone.
We employ sexuality as a gift when we use it as a means of creating children. I don't mean that we do this in the dark, with grim faces and in as brief a time as possible. Sexuality is something that a married couple uses as a celebration of their union. They rejoice in being physically one person as much as you can be, and look forward to the creation of new life. That second part is key because it dwarfs the purely physical part. The desire for new life is a statement of lifelong commitment to their union, of intertwining of not only limbs but of intertwining their identities in each other.
That is what chastity is about: realizing the vast potential of the human experience. The lustful people stop at the point of intertwining their bodies, while the chaste intertwine themselves body and soul. That requires great love, and it is something that the lustful are simply blind to.
This applies to power, fame and another other thing that can be lusted after. The chaste man or woman who holds power or fame understands that it is an opportunity to love others. Power is a way to move the mountains that stand in the way of love. Fame is a way to reach out lovingly to many more people than you normally could. Those who lust after power use it for selfish gain, and those who lust for fame simply self-aggrandize, reminding us of how famous they are.
Lust is a self-limiting attitude and as a result it damages us. It holds us back. It is not loving of others and it is not loving of ourselves. Chastity is the exact opposite, letting us realize a greater experience of love and life. Often the only thing standing in the way of chastity is understanding. Sometimes it just takes a leap of faith that chastity can work. You'll find that this is the pattern of all the vice-virtue pairs.
If you're thinking that this all sounds a lot like greed, then you go to the head of the class. They're quite similar. The way to contrast lust and greed is to consider their paired virtues: chastity and generosity. Lust and chastity are about how we handle the wanting of something. Greed and generosity are about how we handle the having of something. The two are clearly closely related, but as I said in the introductory article, all the vices are fundamentally related because they are rooted in a lack of ability to love.
Those who lust have decided that something is more important than love. Sex, power, fame, etc., are so important to these people that when push comes to shove, their craving for whatever they're after will win out over doing something loving.
For example, let's say that I meet a pretty girl at a party. The loving thing to do is to treat her like I would anyone else that I respect greatly. That should be my starting point. She is capable of great depth of conversation, insights into life and love, the pursuit of a relationship with others and with God - the whole nine yards. That's the loving thing. That's the chaste thing.
But I'm not chaste. I'm a luster, so I "check her out", admiring her body. After all, I don't know anyone capable of great depth of conversation and all that drivel. What I implicitly know is that people use each other, and that she'd be fun to "use". That's just the way things are. She's just interested in using me back of course, so it all works out. From there, I approach her to begin my conquest.
Kinda sad, isn't it? The worst of it is when she acts in a way consistent with his lustful attitudes because she isn't any more chaste than he is.
The luster doesn't have the starting point of acting in a loving way because he doesn't see the chaste promise of the girl at the party. Even if she's is a "bimbo" or a "slut", she retains the capacity to do all the things I listed. A fun exposition of that idea is the Judy Holliday movie "Born Yesterday". We get a glimpse of a woman who begins to realize her potential only when she gets the word as an adult.
When I'm talking about capacity or promise, I'm talking about up-to-and-including love. Even the luster has the capacity, but he is so blinded by lust (and other delusions) that love isn't even on his radar. That's why he cannot imagine pursuing chastity. To him, chastity is an absence of lust. Without love, lust is all there is when we consider human sexuality. But what happens when we truly understand love?
Chastity is what happens. Chastity isn't just saying that you won't abuse sex, power or fame. It's saying that you will actively employ them for the gifts that they are. They are gifts because they are a means by which we can love one another. Remember; love involves acting for the best interests of everyone.
We employ sexuality as a gift when we use it as a means of creating children. I don't mean that we do this in the dark, with grim faces and in as brief a time as possible. Sexuality is something that a married couple uses as a celebration of their union. They rejoice in being physically one person as much as you can be, and look forward to the creation of new life. That second part is key because it dwarfs the purely physical part. The desire for new life is a statement of lifelong commitment to their union, of intertwining of not only limbs but of intertwining their identities in each other.
That is what chastity is about: realizing the vast potential of the human experience. The lustful people stop at the point of intertwining their bodies, while the chaste intertwine themselves body and soul. That requires great love, and it is something that the lustful are simply blind to.
This applies to power, fame and another other thing that can be lusted after. The chaste man or woman who holds power or fame understands that it is an opportunity to love others. Power is a way to move the mountains that stand in the way of love. Fame is a way to reach out lovingly to many more people than you normally could. Those who lust after power use it for selfish gain, and those who lust for fame simply self-aggrandize, reminding us of how famous they are.
Lust is a self-limiting attitude and as a result it damages us. It holds us back. It is not loving of others and it is not loving of ourselves. Chastity is the exact opposite, letting us realize a greater experience of love and life. Often the only thing standing in the way of chastity is understanding. Sometimes it just takes a leap of faith that chastity can work. You'll find that this is the pattern of all the vice-virtue pairs.
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